Saturday, June 16, 2007

Enjoy a good laugh after a tense week

For all of the theology lovers like me, who take themselves too seriously, here's something funny I read in Christian Ethics Today:

John (Calvin) 3:16-21

For God so loved the elect, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever of the elect believeth in him shall not perish in the fire God created for those he hath predestined to burneth for all eternity, but have everlasting life.

For God sent his Son into the world to condemn the heathen to hell and save only those who acknowledge they have no choice but to repent and do exactly as God says.

Whosoever be amongeth the elect is not condemned, but whosoever is among the damned stands condemned already because God's sovereignty wills it.

This is the verdict: Light has come unto the elect, but all the other men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were predestined to be evil.

For everyone who doeth evil must hateth the light, and shall not come into the light because they have no choice but to doeth evil.

So he that doeth truth cometh to the light by the TULIP, that his deeds may be made manifest through reformed theology, that they are all forced by God.

(David D. Flowers, The Wittenburg Door, April 2007)


wendy said...

HaHaHa- How light and humorous are those calvinistic beliefs...The language of it sounds almost too real to laugh at. The absurdity of it all makes it too bizarre to believe.
how easily some can be swept up in a doctrine of belief that is so absurd in the light of the Word itself.
ah well.

Debbie Kaufman said...

I'm 5 point Calvinist Wendy and I am sorry you feel that way.

Emily Hunter McGowin said...


I hope you were not offended. I did find the satire amusing and only shared it for that reason.

Grace and peace,


Debbie Kaufman said...

Of course not Emily. There are just too many people like wendy who have to take it a step further. :)

David D. Flowers said...


I thought the piece was a mixture of "funny" and "very disturbing." Thus... the reason for satire.

Thanks for taking an interest in it. This month's issue of CET will publish my "The Sermon on the Hill (The American Beatitudes)." You may want to check it out.

Like the blog. Peace.

David D. Flowers